Dear Santa:
I know its late but before you get to the U.S. you need to recheck your “naughty and nice” list. In fact I recommend you follow #METOO.
Things are happening very quickly and it is causing great confusion. Please clarify, Is it o.k. for a 32 year old man to date a 14 year old girl? What if her mother says it is o.k.? What should be done to the mother who says its o.k.
How do you define the military term, “grab ass”. As in “Stop playing grab ass.” BTW: I didn’t played as I did not understand the rules.
Another question, When is o.k. to say “nice ass.” I hear women say it a lot about men and they giggle. I hear men say it about women and the guffaw. I assume they say it at donkey auctions, but I have never been.
You may also be attacked on the obvious sexist environment of your workplace. It seems you only employ men at the North Pole. Then you work poor Mrs. Clause like a mule. Feeding cleaning up after those pesky elves who seem to just tinker, dance and giggle. I don’t know why she stays with you other than the North Pole is far away and you don’t let her drive.
You should also be of the potential of incoming missiles. At this point, it is anybody’s guess as to where they will come from. Seems everyone has them and they are all pissed of at the U.S.A.
I am not sure why I am writing this. When I was six, I asked my dad if Santa is real. He sat me down, looked into my eyes and said “There used to be, but he died in a plane crash.”
BTW: How do elves reproduce?